And an Angel Fell from Heaven...

"I Walked Alone"

Did you ever grow up with an ambition? We all do. That's how we ultimately ended up who we are today.

But some aren't so lucky. Some children want to be a certain someone in life, but are brutally put down by peers, family, friends, made a laughing stock just because their choices in life are "not normal". This discrimination often comes with malicious intent, designed to discourage people from walking the "untried path". An example of someone who was and still is subjected to this little known form of abuse is yours truly. The humiliation was such that I never wished to be known by my real name again, instead developing my crafts through a fictional identity named after a piece of classical music.

"Carmen, Les Toreadors" - by George Bizet, 1875 - get it?

Welcome to my little world, where prosecution and neglect appears to be the common response to, well, most of the things I wanted in life. And when I finally stood up against domestic violence in the family, I was put down by the very people I helped, instead of receiving credit where due - the broken future I have today is a far better outcome than having no leeway to decide at all.

This thing about "clients" biting back at me once I helped them would rear its ugly head from time to time, but that's another story for another time.

It is this suppression of my development as a child and young adult that had me empathize with the women who suffer in silence against impossible odds, with no means of breaking free from the chains that bind them. In these circumstances some have the opportunity to fight back and win. But most do not. And that's the worrying thing, because a successful resistance against oppression relies on numbers and numbers en masse.

Or else you wait. And wait until it was the right time to strike back. No one said cultural change was ever easy. And it takes a different form of warrior to reach out to others, vice battling for self-preservation.

"What Doesn't Kill You, Makes You Stronger"

I may have been a 'freedom fighter' in my own right since the age of 15, but it took another 15 for me to begin my campaign for outreach. What didn't kill me made me stronger, but strongly discouraged me from ever connecting with others on an equal level. And as a result of practising my crafts in closed circles (usually on Facebook) if not outright isolation, many people in my life have a wrong impression of my person, thinking that, in one instance, I am some traditional Chinese person who requires a translator to even communicate with my American business contacts!

But this accidental deception is not all bad. In another much more recent case I assisted one lovely Californian actress in a matter requiring swift social justice and sound domestic prowess. No one knew a mere Facebook friend from Singapore could have that much of an impact... until the job was done and done well. It is this maskerovka, Russian for "strategic deception" that allows me to fight back against impossible odds and win. Surgical strikes against key targets are sometimes far more effective than resistance en masse. And yes, I found you could apply sound military logic to almost any challenge in life.

This is the kind of mission that requires not a familiar friend but a mysterious stranger with a unique professional code of conduct, supported by an employer who knows exactly what she wants to achieve. And unlike all of my past and present local employers she was willing to give me a chance to strike out and achieve something big for my future. I waited 29 years for that chance to prove my worth, proving that the feminist values and ethics I hold dear throughout all these years of suffering in silence, were ultimately correct.

"Marta's Legacy"

It was not my first intervention on behalf of "clients" - I had previously turned the winds of fate around for a young Portuguese girl, turning her hurt and neglect into strength. Marta went on to become Portugal's first policewoman and my first love, who passed away 5 years ago. It was the hurt from her loss that drove me to re-prioritize my life, making sure that her death was not in vain. She had, before my knowing her, endured a lifetime of abuse at the hands of a violent father, a school that did nothing but bully her, and a society that was preying on young vulnerable persons just like her.

I went on to apply experience based on my mission to Portugal to force social change in my current workplace, which had used to be male dominated and oppressive towards female employees and staff alike. It was indeed ironic that law firms were in the past employing ladies only yet discriminated against women and had no regard for human rights. My local employer had time and time again, complained loudly and in public earshot that "women clients are always troublesome".

One day he made the mistake of telling me in private that "women are always like that one" (in Singlish) when commenting on the words and actions of a lady client. I replied if he knew I was a feminist and that I keep this hairstyle of mine to convey just that.

He was embarrassed. And for the next few years he went out of his way to make sure my life was a living hell in the firm, making sure I received nothing in the way of training, support, or even the opportunity to network with my peers and fellow paralegals in other firms. He blamed me for every single wrongdoing in the firm and denied me the right to seek counsel or to resign. My pay was cut $300 below market rate, leaving me to try and support my mom and for a time I was living on a salary that was less than that of an average McDonald's part-time staff.

But whatever does not kill me, makes me stronger. Like a ship in the storm I managed to maintain steerageway through constant effort while pursuing a campaign of constant learning on the Internet. I did well publicized community service after work hours and made sure everyone knew of my commitment to promoting road safety for young motorcycle riders through engineering excellence and combat aviation-derived "piloting" psychology.

In the end, when my list of hobbies included being a crime-fighting volunteer in my neighborhood, I could tell that they "have had enough" and quit their campaign of harassment. By that time, hilariously, I even saved up enough money to display Victorian finery in my office and wear the most extravagant Indian traditional fashions - I dressed in that fashion because my local employers too were outright RACIST towards Indians!

No one said anything in protest. After all, my Victorian stuff are too awesome!

Pillows, dolls, Victorian pictures, finally added civility to a formerly rude workplace.

"And an Angel Fell from Heaven"

But being a survivor and winning the respect of my (incredibly stingy, Oriental) local employers was not enough. I have an elderly mom to take care of and a lot of catching up to do with regards to my future. I am not afraid to admit that I was living on "a wing of a prayer" for some time thanks to job related stress and an inability to make a move anywhere due to lack of finances (Dad passed away years ago and left me no inheritance - refer to Chapter 1 of this blog post with regards to the family attitude towards my person since I was born).

Then one day while browsing through a Facebook doll collectors' group I saw this lady being harassed by other group members just because the dolls she posted pictures of were "different" to the typical picture-perfect Barbies and Victorian heirlooms common in the group. I swung into action and in my following comments assured her that her collection was in good taste and that she should "ignore the naysayers" because they evidently do not realize that her Spanish dolls were designed for a wholly different and higher class of doll collectors than the norm, being of a "fantasy" appearance very similar to the alien races depicted in works such as J.R.R. Tolkien's Lord of the Rings.

Things were quiet for a while after our initial conversation; I was involved with assisting another "client" in Georgia at that time, who in "thanks" for my counsel decided to declare openly that "I was an affront to her soul" on religious grounds!

Rachelle contacted me soon after and in catching up with me, I openly admitted I felt a bit depressed due to the previous "client" I had. Long story short, she helped me and I helped her deal with commercial legal matters (I had to learn the US Uniform Commercial Code in one night flat for that mission) amongst other things, and she now is my sponsor for a secure future in the United States, just like I've dreamed of for ages but passed it off for lack of family support and funding from my seniors (what good they were).

I found it very fascinating that Rachelle was a stand-up comedian of some renown and she respected very much my thinking and way of life. Unlike virtually all of my local contacts (family, friends, colleagues and whatnot), she accepted me for who I am and never forced any ideals on me.

And I was not joking when, during the first time I spoke with her on the phone, I remarked that I felt like I was speaking to an identical copy of myself.

With backing secured, I actively sought community events in Singapore to have some practise at outreach (for my future and all, you know). The screening for Half the Sky at The Hub was just my second community event I attended, and in one short 40 minute session, I realized the true meaning of the path I've followed since childhood.

It might have been a dark, impossible tunnel to traverse for all (almost) 3 decades of my life, but I always believed that one day there will be light.

And what glorious light it was. No doubt, I will continue to lose friends for daring to openly present myself as a feminist, but that is nothing new. 

Picture credits - Secret {W} Business & Solonia Teodros

Resistance to change is so yesterday!